I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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