I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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