Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
