So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
