You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
