I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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