She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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