Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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