I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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