Your mouth is God's brothel.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
