One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
