Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
