Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
