It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
id be glad to
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
