Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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