Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
