just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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