Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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