So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
