well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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