I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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