I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
