Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
