Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There's even glitter on my cock...
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