Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
420 ftw
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
