if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
