I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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