I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
