i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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