every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
