i love accidental penises.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize