my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
