didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
