I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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