he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
