So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
