I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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