All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
