i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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