I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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