either way he was missing a nipple.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize