The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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