so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
