new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
