it was like his penis was on wheels.
so let's talk penis.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
