New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize