The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
