Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
