There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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