So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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