When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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