you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
