so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
