goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
