Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
