we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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