Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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