the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
