i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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