just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
