I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
