I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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