So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
