umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize