hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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