I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
