He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
